A speed bump...

Man....I would love to say I am having the time of my life 24/7 and everything is going perfect and I've never been closer to God than I am here and I am growing soooo much. But MAN, life just can't be that easy, can it? Once the newness wears off and things become routine here, it is so easy to fall back into old patterns and ruts, easy to just go through the motions. But I can't. I can't let myself go back to the same person I was. After the things I've learned and the things I've seen, in no way can I ever be the same person again. Not only is it impossible for me to be the same, I simply will not LET myself be the same. Not after all the things God has shown me, the things I have experienced, I just cannot LET myself do that. My life was so empty then, so relatively meaningless.

Never before have I been homesick. Usually, if anything, I am GLAD to get out of the bubble I have lived my entire life in known as Hartville (not a bad place, just a place I like getting away from now and then...as I would anywhere else I lived, lol). But wow, what I wouldn't do to swing by home for a day, even an hour or two. Just long enough to get in my car, drive to Missy's, play with Mia for a while, maybe go to Belden Village. Oh the things we take for granted, the relationships we realize we need.

Sometimes its easy to feel like my time here hasn't gotten me very far. Its hard to measure the growth amidst the roller coaster of everyday life. Amidst illness, broken laptop chargers, insecurities, lost possessions and all the stupid LITTLE things Satan has used to get me down the past few days. Its even easy to sometimes think it would be easier to just go home. But that is not where God has called me. That is not His plan for the rest of my time here. I certainly REFUSE to spend my time here in that state of mind, having a pity party for myself while I let my invaluable time here slip by. Before I know it this season of my life will be over, and I cannot think of looking back with regrets, wondering why I spent my time wallowing in self-pity. Stupid human-ness! I must press on, keep pressing in to God, no matter how often I feel nothing or how much I sometimes want to give up, give in to Satan's lies. Jesus didn't command us to live a life of comfort and convenience, but of COMMITMENT! He sure wasn't living a convenient life when He bore our sins on His back, when His body was nailed to that cross. That sure wasn't comfort! So I refuse to let a little venture out of my comfort zone faze (sp?) me. I cannot, I should not, and I WILL NOT. So please, if you think about it, just pray for me. For a renewed passion, more revelation of God, and just the perseverance and determination to dig in, no matter what the cost. Not because I will feel better, but because He is worthy. God is worthy of us seeking Him our entire lives, no matter what kind of feeling we get or how good it makes us feel!