Abba Father

Well, my friends, its been a week and a half! And God.is.good. Period. SO good. Everytime I doubt him, everytime I freak out because I am not hearing from Him the second I want to, He pats me on the head and says, “My child, I have everything in control. You don’t need to have to have all these fears and worries.” The first few days I was really struggling to connect with God and felt no closeness and relationship with Him. It was hard. I began to freak out and wonder if the next 6 months would be the same way. The next session we had, Peter began to speak about God and His silence. He spoke about simply waiting on God and not rushing into emotional thoughts and decisions. I was blown away. God was speaking directly to me. Soon after this Peter had everyone go on a 30 minute walk without talking to anyone or speaking. Simply being silent, and taking a walk with God. As I began to walk, God began to speak:

“Jason, the past 2 years of your life have not been a relationship with me. There has been no contact between me and you. You gave up on me. Then, I called you into missions. You dove into it head on. You expected to get here with so much baggage, such a broken past and immediately start running, doing it all, giving up everything. I gave you a small test to see where you were in your faith. I didn’t talk to you for MAYBE a day and a half. I reminded you of what life is like without me for a split second, and you freaked out. The smallest test I could think of, and you freaked out! Jason, you want to run into your journey of faith, but first I have to teach you to walk.”

I felt so small, so humbled. God gave me a picture of a baby learning to stand, or a child learning to ride their bike. You fall and fall and fall again. And God is my abba father. My father with unconditional love, is cheering me on, yelling, “Go! Go! Jason, I believe in you. You got this.” To think that the creator of the universe, the Lord of Lords is OBSSESSED WITH ME. He can’t stop watching me. He is madly in love with me. As I sat there by the creek, tears ran down my cheeks as I sat in the love of God. I could only sit there and marvel at his presence. As I slowly walked back to base, I almost felt my small hand wrapped around his finger. It was my first baby steps. Looking up to my hero, my father, my God.