A speed bump...

Man....I would love to say I am having the time of my life 24/7 and everything is going perfect and I've never been closer to God than I am here and I am growing soooo much. But MAN, life just can't be that easy, can it? Once the newness wears off and things become routine here, it is so easy to fall back into old patterns and ruts, easy to just go through the motions. But I can't. I can't let myself go back to the same person I was. After the things I've learned and the things I've seen, in no way can I ever be the same person again. Not only is it impossible for me to be the same, I simply will not LET myself be the same. Not after all the things God has shown me, the things I have experienced, I just cannot LET myself do that. My life was so empty then, so relatively meaningless.

Never before have I been homesick. Usually, if anything, I am GLAD to get out of the bubble I have lived my entire life in known as Hartville (not a bad place, just a place I like getting away from now and then...as I would anywhere else I lived, lol). But wow, what I wouldn't do to swing by home for a day, even an hour or two. Just long enough to get in my car, drive to Missy's, play with Mia for a while, maybe go to Belden Village. Oh the things we take for granted, the relationships we realize we need.

Sometimes its easy to feel like my time here hasn't gotten me very far. Its hard to measure the growth amidst the roller coaster of everyday life. Amidst illness, broken laptop chargers, insecurities, lost possessions and all the stupid LITTLE things Satan has used to get me down the past few days. Its even easy to sometimes think it would be easier to just go home. But that is not where God has called me. That is not His plan for the rest of my time here. I certainly REFUSE to spend my time here in that state of mind, having a pity party for myself while I let my invaluable time here slip by. Before I know it this season of my life will be over, and I cannot think of looking back with regrets, wondering why I spent my time wallowing in self-pity. Stupid human-ness! I must press on, keep pressing in to God, no matter how often I feel nothing or how much I sometimes want to give up, give in to Satan's lies. Jesus didn't command us to live a life of comfort and convenience, but of COMMITMENT! He sure wasn't living a convenient life when He bore our sins on His back, when His body was nailed to that cross. That sure wasn't comfort! So I refuse to let a little venture out of my comfort zone faze (sp?) me. I cannot, I should not, and I WILL NOT. So please, if you think about it, just pray for me. For a renewed passion, more revelation of God, and just the perseverance and determination to dig in, no matter what the cost. Not because I will feel better, but because He is worthy. God is worthy of us seeking Him our entire lives, no matter what kind of feeling we get or how good it makes us feel!

Mombasa...

Its still hard to believe I was in Africa, but my journal keeps assuring me that I was. Its hard to believe the poverty I saw, but the photos break my heart anew every time I look at them. My journal entry on Wednesday shakes me back to the reality of what I saw: “How DARE I EVER think I am “poor” or don’t have as much as others? How DARE I think I have a hard life? Last time I checked I have never gone CLOSE to wondering where my next meal would come from or how I would make it that day without eating. I have never had to live, even sleep in the same room as my rabbits and other animals. My house isn’t a mere mud shack with stone floors, no electricity, and no ventilation. I have never had to walk around barefoot on scorching hot sand, simply because I don’t have shoes. Never have all my clothes been covered in stains or been full of holes. Never have I had to fight for a GLASS OF WATER. Never do I wonder where I will lay my head that night. Never do I live in filth and disease, but have no way to clean myself and no health care to get better. Never do I get beaten and burned by the only thing I thought I could put trust in, my family.” The striking reality is that most of these kids don’t even HAVE family to begin to put their trust in.

35 kids. 35 of the cutest kids you will ever see. 30% of them are HIV positive. About a quarter of them are orphans and stay with different people every night. If they are lucky enough to have a family, they never have both parents. None of them can afford to get anything of a normal education. The handful of crackers or little pieces of potatoes they get are school are usually the only food they get in a day. They live in hopelessness, with no purpose, nobody to show them a normal life. A generation of kids growing up without knowing anything other than poverty and despair. Begging on the streets, no education, no way of growing up to live a better life. Not because of anything they’ve done, not because they are not hard-working, but simply because of the place they were born and the circumstances they were placed in.

We only had 5 days. 5 days to tackle a mountain of problems. It felt hopeless. It felt like we would never make a dent. We prayed over and over that God would maximize our time. He answered our prayers. As we prayed for guidance and direction that first day, God simply said, “Go out in love and I will guide you. Live out the two greatest commandments--love God and love others --and I will use you.” So that is what we tried to do. Every morning we poured out whatever love we could on the kids, simply by showing them we cared about them and were there for them. We played with them, held them, hugged them, helped them learn, loved them. We TRIED to repay our hosts through offerings of finances, prayer, and support for the work they were doing with these kids--work in the middle of nowhere on the outskirts of a large city, where they have no financial support system, and are barely staying afloat. Christine gave up her career as a school teacher of 35 years, her income, to start this school. She is putting so much into it she can’t even pay the rent on her own house. They have stopped using electricity and use as little water as possible simply to save money. We gave them enough money to pay the rent for the school and for the house, just to keep it open! She doesn’t have the money to make copies, so every page she makes for the kids she has to make 35-40 times. We made 2000 copies of pages for her at a print shop. She has back problems that leave her sleepless MOST nights, but yet everyday she wakes up and bears the pain to bring joy to these kids, to give them a CHANCE. Even the SLIGHTEST chance of living a normal life is maybe the greatest gift they will ever receive. And that is what Christine is giving them. That is what motivates her to keep going even when she doesn’t always feel much progress is there. We prayed for her and for healing.

We loved God. We tried to continually pour prayer into everyday, everything we did. We went on prayer walks around the surrounding area, meeting people, and praying over neighborhoods. We worshipped God and tried to focus on His goodness in the midst of the horrific things we saw. We asked God the hard questions and processed the things we were experiencing.

And God used it! He used it to change OUR lives. These kids with nothing, absolutely nothing showed more joy than WE did most of the time. They showed us the joy in the simple things of life. The joy in bouncy balls, balloons, and simply being with others. They showed us that possessions don’t equal happiness and that complete provision for our needs is not a RIGHT we can expect from God, just because we have a relationship with Him. They showed us that the love of God exceeds our circumstances and our suffering. They knew He was there, no matter what they were going through.
But oddly, my heart was not broken until the last day. That morning a boy came to school complaining of some pain in his legs. When we had him show us where it hurts, we found 6-7 2nd and 3rd degree burns all over his legs. He explained that his mother got angry for a reason we still don’t know, heated a spoon over the fire, and pressed it into his legs over and over, leaving 1-2 inch burns all over his legs. I broke down as we prayed over him. I couldn’t fathom what had happened. A boy with nothing, already no hope, got severely burned by his own mother! Possibly the only person he could have ANY trust in! I sat and cried for 5 minutes, broken by the complete injustice that we were witnessing.

It is hard to go back to Western life, with all the luxuries you can imagine and no concept of need and poverty. However, God showed me something. Instead of letting the things we saw get us down and make us not want to eat, we need to simply be SO MUCH MORE thankful for what we DO have. Instead of being depressed and angry at what is going on in the world, we should be more joyful than ever FOR those that can’t be. We should choose to wake up each day with a smile on our face in honor of those that are suffering and can’t always find joy. And it should only motivate us to spread Jesus more, the hope, the love, the comfort that is in a relationship with God. It might just be the only thing these people will ever be able to say is theirs.

On the edge..

For so many years I have prayed that God would make me a radical Christian. Someone that is sold-out completely for Christ and gives up his own life. Someone that turns to God and never looks back. As I came here I kept saying that I am done with myself. For so long I have depended on myself all for naught, for EMPTINESS. I am so overrated. And here God has brought me. Today, to this very place. As He broke me down into tears (the first time my hardened heart has been able to cry since I got here) today I knew the time had come. For so long I had prayed for these things. For so long my heart had longed to serve God with abandon. And here is my chance, God is answering all my prayers. There is a fork in the road.....go back to Hartville, start a career, live the normal everyday life...which God can definitely use. Or give it all up. Lay down ALL my rights..to family, to friends, to everything I know and say, "Not my will, Father, but yours." Both can be used by God, both are good, but which do I want more? Where is my heart?

I can only focus on God. But close your eyes for a second and imagine laying on your death bed, at the ripe old age of 80 years old. You know the end of life is fast approaching, only moments are left to reminisce and mull over your life. What will you think about? What will you remember? Will it be what car you drove, which brand of clothing you wore, how much money you made, what you did as a career? No! Everything we worry about is so meaningless, so stupid! Absolutely NOTHING will matter except for God and the relationships you made. There is no greater cause than to give up your life for Christ. Nothing could be more worthy! THERE IS NO GREATER THING!

So the choice is there. My stomach is in knots. The rest of my life seems to be in the balance. The two paths lay before me. Sure, as I look down the path I see God standing at the end of each of them, holding out his arms. But the question is, which do I want more?

There IS more to the world....

Wow. It’s really good to get a different perspective on the world we live in. There is so much more than the little bubble we happen to be placed in, or even the bubble I am living in here in Germany. Last weekend I had the cool experience of being in three different countries in one day (Germany, Czech Republic, Poland). It was so interesting to just experience the different feelings of various countries. The cold emptiness, boarded up buildings, and barren streets of the Czech Republic to the laid back feeling of Poland. It was a really cool time. It opens your eyes so much to how other people live, and makes you realize that their current lifestyles are, many times, all they know.

In the Czech Republic people live in the middle of deserted towns with barely any businesses or anything around. An entire town seems completely dead, with no life and barely any people….remnants of its communist past. While there are thriving cities and beautiful places in Eastern Europe, this is sadly the norm. The feeling of the small city we stopped at seemed so dull, with no purpose or passion for anything. I never believed that cities necessarily could have a “dark” feeling, but there was a tangible difference in the presence of this city, and only 10 minutes across the border. This feeling of depression and emptiness made us feel the urge to stop at a park in the middle of the city and simply pray over it. That God would somehow come there and show the people that He loves them. That there IS a reason for living. In fact, the Czech Republic actually has the highest rate of atheists in the world. Not only people that don’t believe in God, but as in people that have no religion….no reason for life…nothing to hold on to. It was so real!

As for everyday life….it’s so easy to get lost in the grind and the busy schedule here and go through the motions. Its also SO hard to take in everything we are learning and somehow be able to apply what I can to everyday life. I know I’ve said it before but it is like I am relearning my perspective on life and Christianity. Everything I knew is being changed and my eyes are being opened to so much. Sometimes it is really hard, but it is always good. No matter how hard it gets, it is much better than the empty nothingness of the past 2 years of my life, when I basically turned from God and everything I knew was right. Sure, I went to church and said the right things. But a relationship with God was a complete afterthought. I had given up on God and everything He meant to me. It is really scary to think of now, but I was very, very content with living the “Sunday Christian” life the rest of my life….I had no desire to change or get to know God better. I just didn’t care anymore. Here’s the unbelievable part. After all the stupid things I did and all the ways I hurt God….He offered me life, He wanted me. And I rejected it. I slapped Him in the face by turning from Him and for 2 years ran from Him. Then, instead of sitting there waiting for me to come back, wondering what I was doing, HE RAN AFTER ME! He chased me down until I had no choice but to turn back to Him. He desired a relationship with me more than my failures, my mistakes, and my bad choices. The love of God is so unfathomable! So much bigger than anything in our lives, than our lives themselves, than the entire human race!

Kenya...

So here I am, going to Mombasa, Kenya in 2 weeks. The main focus of going there will be to work at a school for street kids. A very Godly woman that lives in the city started the school by simply opening a building for the street kids to come hang out in a safe place. Most of them have no homes, no money, and either no parents, or parents that can’t provide for them. 30% of them are HIV positive, and none of them have any money for an education. They range from ages 3-6. And there, in a single room, in a dusty, dirty building on the outskirts of the city, a single woman is showing them the love of God. She is teaching them things they would never learn otherwise. The alphabet, numbers, even Bible verses and worship songs—but most importantly, she is teaching them that God loves each and every one of them and cares about them. She is leading them to a REAL Father, when theirs is really not even there. She provides most of them with the only food they will get in a day, such as a cracker or two and, if they’re lucky, a half cup of black tea (a Kenyan staple). She is giving them a hope and a future. Teams that have gone there before talk about how so many times they could only cry as these kids—desperate for affection, love, ANYTHING—recited the 23 Psalm or sang praises to God. Everyday these kids show up, all on their own, because they know there is a God in that building that loves them, and a woman that does her best to show them that. She spends hours and hours trying to create her own posters and sacrificing so much or order to have a few crayons for the kids to color with. School supplies aren’t even thought about, and she doesn’t even have the money to make copies, so she has to make up to 40 individual pages of everything she hands out to them. Lastly, the school is breaking many laws and functioning against code, which means it will most likely be shut down within a few months. We can’t let this happen. Our goal is to go there, do work on the building, set up some kind of support system for the kids, but most of all—to spend time with them and show them love. It is very important that we get some sort of financial support system for each kid jumpstarted while we are there, or the school will not be able to exist.

However, it is hard to get much done in 6-7 days, so we are trying to stretch out our time as much as possible. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if there were more flights flying into Mombasa. Currently, there are two choices we have. Spend less money and spend 2-3 less days there, which could really limit what we can get done (well, with God anything is possible), or go significantly past our budget and get to spend 10 days there, missing some of the school sessions. We prayed for 2 hours tonight as a team, but nothing clear came of it. Please pray for us as we try to make a decision together and only want to follow God and what He wants. Not easy, especially when a few of our team members do NOT have the finances to go in the first place, much less pay for a more expensive plane ticket.

Thank you everyone for all the ways you have blesses me so far. From cards to money to prayers, I feel it all and it keeps me so encouraged. Please know that your contributions are helping change my life and the lives of others here in this Discipleship Training School. I will truly never be the same person I came here as..

PS-For those wondering when I am going to post pictures, I only have a limited amount of data I can upload per month, so I can only put them on Facebook. If you want to see them join the stone age and GET A FACEBOOK (if you dont have one), or just ask to be my friend. JK about the stone age thing, didn't mean to offend you.

One Month!

Well, what to say. So much is happening SO quickly it is hard to put it all into words, or even half of it. As the days get more filled, the quicker time breezes by before I can grab a hold of it. Can’t believe I have officially been in Germany for a MONTH! Unbelievable. Before I know it I will be back in good old Hartville, but thankfully not as I left it. It is hard to believe all the things God has been teaching me and all the ways in which my very core, my foundation of life is rapidly changing and growing and maturing. While it has not been the quick, emotional change of a spiritual high that I’ve experienced at summer camp or a week-long missions trip, it is so much deeper. A genuine, deep, lasting, life-changing….change. However, at the same time, it is so easy to not take advantage of all the opportunities I have here to get to know God better and be used by Him.

In other news, I’m going to KENYA, which really is an amazing story in and of itself. I will start out by saying that I have never especially desired to go to Africa. I have never NOT wanted to, but I would much rather tour Europe or other parts of the Western World. Not sure why, just how I was made. Well, about 2 weeks ago I was sitting in one of our prayer times silently waiting on God, to see what He wanted to tell me, when a picture of Africa popped into my head. I looked up, thought about how odd it seemed, but then put my head back down and continued to focus, when this time it zoomed into Eastern Africa. I then saw a picture of young children playing in the street. It was so random and seemingly out of place that I knew it was from God (mind you, I had not prayed at all about any kind of location for outreach or anything). I figured He must be telling me where He wanted me to go on our major outreach, which we don’t find out the options for until the end of November. I immediately thought of how the base here in Germany always sends one team to Ethiopia (in E. Africa) and figured that is what it meant. But the more I thought about it, the more Ethiopia did not seem like the answer. It HAD to be something else.

I ended up moving on and, for the most part, completely forgot about the vision. Then, before I knew it, it was the day for them to present our choices for mini-outreach (a week-long missions trip to introduce us to what our big outreach is going to be like). That day I had been figuring out my financial situation, which brought to my attention that I only had $300 over what I needed for school fees, leaving me very little travelling money for the holidays (which is when Missy is coming!) or any other needs I might have. I was very worried about it and wondering what I was doing to do. Nevertheless, they began to introduce each mini-outreach, it’s location, and the ministry it would be doing. As they ran through the choices, none of them jumped out at me. I figured I would have to pray about them because why would God ever give me a clear answer….the choices seemed so vague…Berlin, Paris, Prague, Czech Republic, Budapest…then, the last team introduced their location. KENYA! My heart began to beat out of my chest as I KNEW right then and there that this was exactly what my vision meant! Then they went on to say they would be working with kids on the street!! It was so clear I could hardly contain myself. BUT there was a catch. Since it was so much farther than they had ever gone on mini-outreach, it would be an additional $950 on top of the school fees. My heart sunk! I was already short, how could I ever go! But as I prayed and debated and asked God what to do, I could only remember that vision and how clear it was. I never got a clear answer, but decided to do what my spirit was telling me to, which was lay down my right to have control over my money for what was a very faint, random image that is not easy to risk $1000 on. I handed in my choice and exhausted myself worrying and wondering if I had made the right choice. Why do we fear and worry SOOO often, when God is always good and always has our best interests in mind. Little known to me, at the time I handed my choice in, my church had a check ready to give to me for almost the exact amount I needed to go. Sunday, I talked to my dad on the phone and he informed me that the church had a check for me. Cool! I thought it was probably like $50-$100, but every bit counts. Then he informed me that the church had given me a check for $685!!! As I added up my finances, I could not believe it. I needed $6750 for all my school fees, and behold! With the additional donations I now had $6785!!! God had called me, trusted me to blindly follow Him (which must have been His grace in me, because I don’t know how He got me to do it), then provided for my needs! What an awesome God!!

Daily Routine

Sorry if that last post got a little long. As far as what I’ve been up to….well, NOT MUCH OF ANYTHING, simply because I don't have time. I am SO busy it is unbelievable. My daily schedule is FULL. I usually skip breakfast and get up at around 8. We have whatever the staff decides for that day from 8:30-9:30 (usually a prayer time, praise and worship, or some other special thing). We then have a 5-10 min. break and start a lecture/preaching/teaching from the speaker for that week (we have a different international speaker come in every week to talk on a specific topic). That goes from 9:30-11:00. At 11 we have coffee break (a very sacred time in the life of any German) which is usually coffee, tea, and fruit. At 11:30 the speaker continues until 1, which is lunchtime (the biggest meal of the day in Germany). We then have work duties from 2-4. Then at 4:30 we have another session of anything the staff decides, whether its going over issues that have come up or getting passport things straightened out. This goes until 6 which is supper. Dinner time in Germany is not a big deal. The first day, they fed us meat, cheese, and bread. And thats it. I thought, "Oh, taking it easy tonight". Next night, oh same thing again. The third night I started thinking, "Man, they must REALLY love their meat, cheese and bread. Until I finally came to realize that they eat the same thing here for dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it goes on and on and on. Cold lunch meats, cheese, and VERY heavy bread with butter. Maybe once a week we are lucky enough to get an unheard-of luxury (gasp) like LETTUCE or TOMATOES. Needless to say, plain sandwiches are ruined for me. If anyone feels led to send me Ranch dressing or honey mustard to spice things up…then God Bless you, haha! But anyways, after supper is free time, unless there is something special you signed up for (activities, sessions on different topics, whatever). Usually most people converge on a room the size of most living rooms. Which might not sound bad, until you realize its usually 30-40 kids there hanging out, playing games, sitting on laptops, whatever we come up with. Although extremely loud, great, great times. On the weekends we really have NO SCHEDULE (Hallelujah, praise the Lord!). For those that have money, you can travel to anywhere you want, go shopping, hang out, see the sights, whatever you want to as long as you are back Monday morning for sessions. For everyone else there are different activities students plan around the base that anyone can join. Every Sunday night about 10 guys usually go into town to an apartment (that the mission owns) and watch Sunday afternoon football on someone’s laptop. And by football I mean FOOTBALL, not soccer. So that is a typical day. Its already going fast, can’t imagine how quickly 6 months will be by me! Love you all!

Lessons...

While in the two weeks I’ve been here, God might not have completely overtaken my life or turned me upside down, but He has taught me so incredibly much. I haven’t always “felt” Him, I haven’t always known His spirit was there, but I cannot believe the things I have learned and the things He has shown me already.

I was trying to summarize everything I’ve learned in my two short weeks here, and there is no way possible to do it. So here are some things from my notes that popped out at me the most:

-When things go wrong, often it is God redirecting our path, not forsaking us

-There is a difference between a burden and a calling-God may never call us to the place we have a burden for, no matter how deep it is to us. Don’t be afraid to step out of your interests and passions if God calls you there.

-Every morning you wake up, Jesus was up all night praying for you!

-Not EVERY event and circumstance is God’s will. He has given us free will to choose. While He can make any of our choices work together for good, He does not control all of our choices. Something that revolutionized my perspective on life and decisions! Makes so much sense!

-Forgiveness is not pardoning (letting someone get away with something), it is giving up the right to get revenge.

-We can change the mind of God! Through prayer, intercession, faith, we can “stand in the gap” for something or someone and change God’s mind.

-For a relationship to truly be a love relationship there has to be the ability to choose not to love. As in, for there to be good, there has to be evil. God could have created us as mindless beings that worship Him all day, but instead He CHOSE to create us with the ability to reject Him, simply so He could have a TRUE love relationship with Him. He so deeply wanted a free, passionate relationship with us, He created us with the choice to reject Him.

-The power of thoughts- Sow a thought, reap an action

Sow an action, reap a habit

Sow a habit, reap a character

Sow a character, reap a destiny

I thought this was so cool, because it really shows how some innocent thoughts can turn into life changing things if we are not mindful of what goes in and comes out of our minds.

-God ALWAYS does the right thing. Never are His decisions wrong.

-Why do good people suffer? One quote from that topic (which is HUGE)-“Suffering was the price that had to be paid for freedom & love to exist at all.” –CS Lewis

-We can do EVERYTHING for God. Every action, every single moment of our lives follow Him—BUT WITHOUT HIS SPIRIT IN US WE CAN NEVER KNOW GOD!

-A true relationship with God takes time, diligence, determination. Not just forcing yourself to read the Bible 3-4 times a week.

-The all-powerful, infinite, limitless, all-knowing God DECIDED of His own free will to have a beginning. To come into a woman’s womb as a fetus. The God that is on a bigger plane of existence than we can ever imagine became flesh and blood for us. The God that was there before all time, chose to have a time. He knew everything there was to know about humanity, He created it! Yet He chose to experience it for us. God HIMSELF became a crying baby. A toddler learning to walk. An awkward adolescent. ALL FOR HIS LOVE FOR US!

-Everything God asks us to do is for our own good. God is NOT a selfish God. Even when He asks us to worship Him, he wants us to do because it is our own good, not because He can’t wait to receive glory and praise.

-The Holy Spirit does not want to CHANGE who we are, He wants to USE who we are.

-God DOES NOT want doctors, lawyers, carpenters, teachers, etc. God isn’t looking for pastors or missionaries. He is looking for people after His heart. For worshippers that honor Him. If we focus on Him and run to Him we will become who He created us to be.

-Nothing in Christianity is a recipe. It is not a bargain place with God. It MUST come out of a relationship with God.

-The doorway to growth in the Lord is humility

-Hearing God’s voice is not a gift that comes upon us. It is a developed skill.

-How quickly we get to know someone (namely, God) depends on the amount of time we spend together.

-God should know ALL the skeletons in our closet. Not because He is the all-knowing God of the universe, but because we should tell Him it all. Tell Him your thoughts, your heart, how your day went. Everything that is going through you. He wants to hear it all.

-God is ALWAYS speaking. Always. We shouldn’t ask for God to speak, but to give us ears to hear.

-In being Christians, we should be “little Christs”. People should confuse us with Christ, not be able to tell us apart.

-The most important thing is to keep the most important thing as the most important thing.

-Prayer is not about convincing God what you need. He never has to prove anything or do anything. It isn’t about getting something out of Him. Its about spending time with Him and learning to know Him and have a relationship with Him.

-New idea! When praying we should learn to pray only what the Holy Spirit is leading us to pray. If we pray outside of the Holy Spirit we can sometimes give someone a false hope or make them have doubts about God. For ex: If we have the whole community pray for healing for a person and everyone believes that it will happen, but it isn’t of God…then He won’t listen! That person might seriously doubt the faithfulness of God because one person didn’t listen to God and His Spirit.

Happenings..

On a less serious note, things are going really good. Our speaker this week, Peter Warren, talked about the character and nature of God. Really, really interesting. It answered so many questions I had and so many things I wondered about. Today, the last day, he addressed a question so many people have. Why do bad things happen to good, innocent people? It was really cool. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Other than that, life is good, food is getting old, and laundry isn’t fun. Haha. Bread, meat, and cheese for dinner every single night gets really, really old, despite my undying love for sandwiches. I am proud to say I have absolutely no clue what they have for breakfast here, because I have yet to make it to a single one since I got here. I have slept in past breakfast every single day. Very proud of myself, for the fact that I don’t let my surroundings change me, haha.

I also love my mother. A lot. There is ALWAYS laundry! Not having a dryer makes it very inconvenient. I have to wash my clothes before I run out, because they take so long to dry (a day and a half to 2 days). While they are in the middle of drying, I usually do run out so I have to start wearing the mostly damp/wet clothes that are still drying. So by the time all the clothes ARE dry I have another whole load ready to wash again. A vicious, awful cycle that I have an all new respect for. Love you mom and miss you!

Lastly, I am very angry about something that happened here recently. Last night our leader, Jan Schlegel (an awesome, awesome man of God) told us about a few times in the past when YWAM Herrnhut got interviewed by the media. However, both times (once in a national newspaper and once on a popular, national news TV show) the media took perfectly good interviews and twisted them, and moved words and sentences around to cast a very bad light on YWAM and what its doing. He then told us that he found out that last night Panorama (the most watched national show in Germany) was doing a 10-15 min. documentary on YWAM. He had not let any media in or talked to any kind of reporter since he had the other bad experiences, so he did not know what footage they would use or what they would say. This morning he spoke to us and told us what the show was about. Two reporters came to the base this past summer, saying they wanted to “visit” and see what it was like. Some of the staff could tell there was something fishy going on, so they asked the two if they were from the media. They said NO. They deliberately lied!! During the next few days they used hidden cameras to shoot lots of film and record the students and speakers. During the intro to the show in VERRRY small print it said that no sound was recorded, so the interviews were dubbed by MEMORY! So they showed interviews with the students (that didn’t know they were being interviewed), with their faces blurred out and dubbed voices. Anyways, I couldn’t understand the big German words they were using, but they went on to portray YWAM as a cult. A boot camp where students are forced into believing a certain way, without being able to disagree or think for themselves. They called us “fundamentalist Christians” (in a bad way).The whole purpose of this is to send young kids, that don’t know better, out into dangerous areas so they can “die for God”. They brain-wash us, is really the premise of the show. It is unbelievable that they had to stoop so low as to lie about who they were, then secretly tape unknowing kids and twist their words into what they wanted them to be. Today, we talked about James (the book of the Bible) and how it talks about embracing persecution, for that means our name is known in hell. Satan is scared of the things going on here and taking drastic measures. We spent over 20 minutes praying that God would take what the enemy wanted for bad and change it into a huge blessing. That students would begin to overflow this base and that God would fill this base with His spirit. It was really cool. Jan then said that they would take no legal action, use no force, but instead overcome evil with good. Awesome testimony of faith and belief that God will protect this base! Well, better get ready to eat supper here soon. Bis später! (see you later!)

Abba Father

Well, my friends, its been a week and a half! And God.is.good. Period. SO good. Everytime I doubt him, everytime I freak out because I am not hearing from Him the second I want to, He pats me on the head and says, “My child, I have everything in control. You don’t need to have to have all these fears and worries.” The first few days I was really struggling to connect with God and felt no closeness and relationship with Him. It was hard. I began to freak out and wonder if the next 6 months would be the same way. The next session we had, Peter began to speak about God and His silence. He spoke about simply waiting on God and not rushing into emotional thoughts and decisions. I was blown away. God was speaking directly to me. Soon after this Peter had everyone go on a 30 minute walk without talking to anyone or speaking. Simply being silent, and taking a walk with God. As I began to walk, God began to speak:

“Jason, the past 2 years of your life have not been a relationship with me. There has been no contact between me and you. You gave up on me. Then, I called you into missions. You dove into it head on. You expected to get here with so much baggage, such a broken past and immediately start running, doing it all, giving up everything. I gave you a small test to see where you were in your faith. I didn’t talk to you for MAYBE a day and a half. I reminded you of what life is like without me for a split second, and you freaked out. The smallest test I could think of, and you freaked out! Jason, you want to run into your journey of faith, but first I have to teach you to walk.”

I felt so small, so humbled. God gave me a picture of a baby learning to stand, or a child learning to ride their bike. You fall and fall and fall again. And God is my abba father. My father with unconditional love, is cheering me on, yelling, “Go! Go! Jason, I believe in you. You got this.” To think that the creator of the universe, the Lord of Lords is OBSSESSED WITH ME. He can’t stop watching me. He is madly in love with me. As I sat there by the creek, tears ran down my cheeks as I sat in the love of God. I could only sit there and marvel at his presence. As I slowly walked back to base, I almost felt my small hand wrapped around his finger. It was my first baby steps. Looking up to my hero, my father, my God.

Multi-Cultural Fun

A much more eventful day today….everyone began to arrive!! There is so much culture, so many nations and generations all coming together to serve God. I don’t think there is any place other than here where I could talk to someone from Sweden (Mikael), many people from all over Germany, a few Canadians, someone from Bangladesh, England (love the accent), Finland (Syrja-a girl), Ireland(Scot, or more like Schkut), a Californian that knows fluent German, and many other people from all over the United States (sorry if I keep mentioning this, but its just so unbelievable!). Crazy! The one German was a foreign exchange student in Minnesota for 10 months. It was so much fun talking to each other about what we liked in each other’s countries. Tonight will have plenty of other games and festivities that I will have to talk about later. Until later, Bon Voyage (wait, that’s not German).

Excitement is BUILDING!!

I’m getting so excited to get out and change the world. I may fail miserably at such a lofty goal, but just to see a wave of over 85 kids spreading out across unreached corners of the world is such a cool feeling. I love the feeling of everyone here being here to serve God. Not like at home where some kids’ hearts are not in it at all, or are not on the same page as you. Everyone here is here with the purpose of seeking Jesus and serving Him. Its so real, so powerful, so incredibly exciting! I found out today that the outreach will be completely in the 10/40 window, which is a part of the world between the 10-40 degree latitudinal lines if you look on a globe. While 2/3rd’s of the world’s people live here, over 90% of them have never heard of Jesus and don’t know the love, the freedom, the excitement, the fulfillment of a relationship with Him. Its so cool that just our tiny group here in Herrnhut will have the potential to chip away at that huge number. To change the life of one person makes everything we do here worth it. And to think of all the changed lives just among our group is crazy cool to think about. I love to see the power of God in such a REAL, TANGIBLE way. Everyone comes here with a broken past, with hurts, with baggage. And just as everyone brings it here, I just picture everyone laying that heavy, burdensome past down at the foot of the cross and becoming free and pure to serve God together and with unity. But on to my rundown of the day….

Got up around 8:30 (Slept through breakfast. Who wants to get up at 6:30 for eggs, which I despise and other bland German food) and met with the other new kids that are here, which I should explain. When I got here, there were 24 students here already from specialized DTS’s (Discipleship Training Schools), which range from photography to fine arts focus. Mine is a “classic” DTS with no specialized focus. Nevertheless, the 65 students from my DTS are mostly not arriving until tomorrow, except for the few Americans here. Anyways…..today us 5 new kids met at 9 and walked into town. We stopped a local bank to exchange money and generally explored. I bought some cool German food (gotta get some of that German chocolate and carbonated OJ, which is amazing) and had a good time. It was so cool just talking as we were walking around. I already feel so close to the people I’m here with. It makes me excited to hang out with everyone once they all get here (although most of them are Germans and don’t know much English—the entire school is in German and English, translated). I’m so ready to get all the crud off of my shoulders and give it all to God. There’s so many things I’m carrying around that I just don’t need anymore, that are so stupid, so meaningless, so HUMAN. Above all my prayer, though, is that not any part of this trip would be about me. I’m done with me. Me is so overrated, so unfulfilling. I’ve seen everything there is to see about me, and it just isn’t worth it. I’m ready for God. I’m ready for everything He has to give me. I’m HUNGRY for Him!!!

Observations, in my short time here....

-Everyone here dresses very nice, all the time. Very high-class fashion. Guys wearing dressy sweaters and very nice jackets all the time.

-Carbonated water sounds like it would be disgusting. Well, it IS! Not so bad when you are INCREDIBLY thirsty, though.

-I want to start a train system in America. Imagine going all over the country anytime you wanted without spending stupid amounts of money. (visiting family)

-Very high tech culture, but yet they still find a way to live so much more simply than America. Their little villages are so relaxed and peaceful.

-Stop talking so fast!!! You can tell I'm American, let me understand the fragments that I can.

-The farther East I got, the more industrial, spread out, and "darker" it got.

-German people are SO cut and dry. Do what you need to do. Get in, get out, and don't worry about anyone along the way. Everything is about efficiency, not necessarily politeness.

-I love communicating with people in German!!! So much fun to use 4 years of knowledge.

-America needs a better foreign language system. Almost EVERY German knows very good English, like conversational level. And many know other languages as well.

-I LOOOOVE other countries.

-Dogs in the airport? Sure, why not....Carrying open beer bottles around all the time, no matter where? Even better.

-Do we make fun of people from other countries when they don't know what they're doing?? If so, DON'T!!!! Its one of the more embarassing feelings I've ever had!! Not cool at all.

-While most Germans seem quite stuck up, it is just a part of their culture. Most are somewhat willing to help if you just ask nicely (unless they're jerk bus drivers).

-Don't take a picture of any sign in the direction of a stewardess. Did that, and she got very upset (she was American, though). She demanded to see my camera in case she was in the picture, which she wasn't. Very angry at her.

-Some of their engineering and way of doing things is SOOO smart!! But yet some of it is so not common sense. Its like they try too hard sometimes. Push button toilets are cool, though. HAHA

-I love the mix of cultures here at base. America, Portugal, Germany, Norway, Finland, Czech Republic, Canada, and I'm sure there's more that I will find out about. What an experience!

-I just want to get started already!!! Love all the people and all the things to do all the time. Better go find stuff instead of wasting time on here!! Love you all!!

The beginnings....

Here I am, sitting in the "castle" (the main building at the base, where classes are held). What a day of traveling yesterday!!! I had an 8 hr 15 min flight here to Frankfurt. Landed in Frankfurt and was completely confused! Not only is it a HUGE airport, it doesn't seem to be very user friendly (the German way-incredible engineering, not always the most common sense). I ran around with my HEAVY bags (a 20-25 lb backpack, 30 lb carry-on suitcase, and 45 lb. suitcase) trying to find an outlet for my laptop so I could call home and still get to the train. I ended up walking in circles for an HOUR simply looking for an outlet (apparently they don't believe in electronics). After sweating profusely and probably looking like a complete idiot to hundreds of people I found one in some little corner behind a flight of stairs where I hooked up and was able to talk to my dad and Missy. Then, what do you know, they soon made me MOVE!!! ARG!! The frustration was not cool, but I was still in good spirits. Went to the German Rail station and got checked in, then waited on my train for about half an hour. When the train came I lugged my huge load of baggage onto the train, but had no idea where to go or where to sit, so I ended up standing in the middle of two cars for my 10 minute ride. Once we arrived at the next stop I had to run to the next train because we were running late (while trying to roll two suitcases behind me at the same time and keep my ticket and everything in place). Once I hopped in the train, I still had no idea where to sit (my ticket was all in German) so I began walking around looking for someone to help me (which means trying to drag my suitcase through the aisles where it JUUUUST fits, so naturally running over people's feet and seeing everyone point and laugh at the stupid American). Finally I randomly found an information center on the train (after walking through TWO cars) that I didn't know was there and he pointed me to my sit. Sat down, very sweaty right next to someone and wondered how bad I smelled, haha! But I was getting there. Loved the scenery and tried to sleep, without much luck. Their countryside is beautiful. Looks much like ours, except with awesome little towns among the rolling hills. I love it. Their train system is AMAZING!! You can go pretty much anywhere in the country for under $150 and its unbelievable how efficient and perfectly timed it all is. I wish America would take some notes. Finally got to my last stop, where I had to hop on a bus. As I was getting on the bus, everyone was handing the driver their money. I gave the driver my online ticket (which had all my train rides and bus ride on it). He looked at it for a little then started talking to be angrily in German. I explained to him (in German) that I don't understand German well and am not sure what he's saying. He kept muttering stuff angrily in Germany then looking at me. Finally he handed me the ticket and pointed me to get on the bus. What was I supposed to do???? I finally got to the bus stop....couldn't wait to see someone holding that sign for YWAM....and there was NO ONE!! After standing there trying to decide what to do, a lady walked up to me and asked if I was from YWAM. I said yes and she said follow me (all in German, she didn't understand English). We talked a little and I figured out she's a cook one day a week here at the base, and HAPPENED to be working at the bus station right when I got there. If she had not been working at the time, no one would have been there (due to a miscommunication). As we were walking I told her all I wanted to do was eat, drink, and sleep, jokingly. (with my awesome German skills) I had a very light breakfast on the airplace at 5:30 AM and didn't eat OR drink until I got to her house around 4:30 PM. She immediately took me to her house where she fed me and made me tea, cappucino, and gave me a cold glass of water (yes, it was CARBONATED-they think tap water is disgusting and bad for you). She then brought me to the base, where I got settled in and met TONS of people, none of whose name will I remember. Until later, Tschus!!

Starting Out...

Here I sit at Chicago O'Hare waiting to board a plane that signals the final good-bye to the country I call home. Good-byes were hard, and tears were many, but I made it. As I departed Cleveland Hopkins around 9 AM I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes as I realize this is IT! 2 months of solid planning and preparation coming to fruition in front of my eyes. I couldn't help but thank God for his WONDERFUL provision in getting me here and helping everything to fall into place. From finances (raised $6700, when my goal TO BE SAFE was $6500), to jobs, to supplies...everything somehow worked together to get me here. This is where it begins....a journey into the unknown waters of a deeper relationship with God. This is so much bigger than me, I can only put it all into His hands and let Him take control of the next 6 months of my life, but even more so the next few days. I love travelling, but already had a mishap when I accidentally packed some body wash and other "liquids" (even though they AREN'T LIQUIDS!!! THEY'RE GEL!) in my carry-on bag, which they had to take and give to my mom and dad to take home. Well, better grab some lunch on the go and head to my gate. Flight leaves at 2:30 EST so got a little over 2 hours until I board. If you think about it pray that I would make all my connecting trains and everything alright, and that God would protect one small servant in the huge world of international travel. Auf Wiedersehen (See ya later)....